2002
Home > Journals > Around Alone Preparations
Ocean Planet Report
Newport, RI USA
August 20, 2002
I just recieved some great advice from my friend, Tim Kent, who is on his way back from the Azores on “Everest Horizontal.” He is also entered in the Around Alone, in Class 2 (40-50 ft).
Anyway, this is going to be my new training schedule to get ready for the race…..;-)
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
2. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife/girlfriend open the curtain, shine a million candlepower flashlight in your eyes, activate an air horn, and yell “Roger Blough to the sailboat approaching my starboard bow!”
4. Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots and pans onto the floor after having previously covered the floor with BB’s. Maneauver as fast as possible between the cupboards trying to put it all away. Must also be done at night, with clenched flashlight in teeth.
5. Tether yourself to a four wheeler, jump into a swimming pool, and have your wife/girlfriend drive laps around it until it runs out of fuel (the 4 wheeler, that is.) Should be be done at night, in at least third gear, while wearing strobe and blowing whistle.
6. Every time there’s a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you’re nauseous. For full effect, wear the dog’s hidden fence electric collar, and go out to the mailbox and back.
7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.
8. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room for several hours per day to simulate recharging.
9. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
10. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
11. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread, if anything. Cold soup, or canned ravioli are optional.
12. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can, and run out into the yard, adjust the tension on your clothsline.
13. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together. Do this in the dark with a flashlight clenched in your teeth, and your wife/girlfriend occasionally dropping a plate onto the floor behind you.
14. Use 24 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.
15. Install a fluorescent light on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.
16. Raise the threshold and lower the sills on your doorways so that you either trip of hit your head every time you pass through one of them.
17. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.
18. Tether yourself to the hood of your car, and use your hacksaw to cut off the luggage rack, while your wife/girlfriend drives down a two track, at night, in the rain.
That ought to keep me busy for a while!
Thanks Tim, and hurry up to Newport!
Bruce